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I was news editor of the Far Eastern University’s Institute of Arts and Sciences newsletter called ‘The SeaGull’ in the 90s.
Before us, our term that is, the institute’s student government body had been accused of releasing the newsletter ‘occasionally or accidentally’ — the line used by the more active (read: activist) candidates running for student council posts then. And they won overwhelmingly! When the new student council was set up in office, a friend invited me to attend meetings for the newsletter project and there I was assigned as news editor.
We came up with 4 spreads (16 pages) of a real newsletter covering all aspects of university life from the university president’s ‘official’ points-of-view down to what a regular working student had in mind to share.
At that time FEU was upgrading its status, starting from the bottom, as a requirement by the Commission on Higher Education and had to undergo a lot of tune-ups to maintain the ‘university’ structure by keeping up with a tiered program provided by the CHED. Or else, the university will be reduced to a vocational learning center, which the stakeholders did not want.
I know so, because I was the one who interviewed then FEU president Felixberto Sta. Maria for my ‘Access’ column. And because of the tiered upgrade program, tuition fees on all courses accross all institutes had been increased, much to the disagreement of most working students.
The team handling the newsletter production then from news- and other content-gathering was really great. I was able to come up with a sponsorship with Dunkin’ Donuts across Morayta to handle our coffee meetings, which was almost everyday. The store would provide all the members of the newsletter team with free coffee and a doughnut. There were more than a dozen of us! The extra order, the individual had to shoulder.
Then Dunkin’ Donuts store manager was a guy named Eric. I didn’t get his last name but he provided us with a pass that we can show anyone at Dunkin’ Donuts Morayta that we were entitled to a cup of their freshly-brewed coffee and any doughnut of our liking. I was aware that Eric was doing something for us that had possibly sent his store’s inventory to mayhem but he did not ask for anything in return, such as an ad space, perhaps.
The paper gained the respect and trust of the student body for we provided, first of all, balanced news and fearless views (hey, I read that line somewhere!).
It was in the layout and printing aspect of the newsletter that I was able to meet Cochise Bernabe, then a law student, with his team or partners — students from varied courses also from UP, who manned and serviced that two-storey printing press business they had in Pasay.
Cochise and his partners were warm. Despite some tensions because of the deadlines their business had to face — for they had other projects, too — we were always accommodated. We were almost always there during that process. I had seen Beebom Castaños there only once. There was an energy in their tandem and was a very promising couple.
After class hours at noon or in the afternoon, I would go to the printing press to check on the status of the production. It was merely cut-and-paste then, so there was still a guy who had to set all those things on a page before it has to be shot and placed on the iron sheets. The setter, Andy, was that one-man team. He had to cut, paste, set, and shoot before the machine operators would set them on the machines for running. We had to help him if we had to come up even with partial copies before the end of the week.
After the first release of the newsletter during our term, we were all elated. Cochise would always ask when we would go back for the next issue and the next. The following semester I was voted editorial board chair of the newsletter. We had three or four issues of ‘The SeaGull’ printed there at Cochise’s printing press.
After the sad summer news of Cochise and Beebom’s disappearance that led to their senseless killings, we had to look for another printer.
It is also so senseless now to let those men responsible for cutting short their lives, intentionally, be set free. Each of those murderers were locked up for double life sentences; what justification will undo what they did.
After reading the front-page news on the Inquirer this morning, what else will make your heart sink? (On Cochise and Beebom: PDI news 1, PDI news 2). Have we become so freak a nation to let criminals roam our streets and make a mockery of our laws? Or is it part of our heritage as a race that we easily forget the errors of the past and wonder why we cannot move on as we should? This is like setting all the Jack-the-Rippers free!
But this is not the first. There were Teehankee, Jalosjos, the Aquino-Galman murderers. To top that, there was Erap! Now, who will be the next?
Ironically, the spread also carries the news on the apologies of Hong Kong columnist Chip Tsao who previously called the Philippines a nation of servants.
Oh, I know what you are thinking.
And won he did! The new US President, Barak Obama.
AND the winner is . . .!
Now the world is waiting.
Today is a new page in history for the whole world. Change was given a chance, a voice, and a vote to take over and seal the future of the world. Barak Obama’s winning of the Democratic preliminaries marks that commitment, not only for the American people but for the rest of the world. Obama brings home with him lofty ideals and a single-minded commitment to make those ideals come to fore.
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Aggressive and principled, the audacity of his hope (part 1, part 2 of his 2004 speech) and his unyielding desire for change made the strongest nation in the world see that the guy can deliver. I believe this needed change will bring him to the presidency.
Science and technology will always go too far, oftentimes even beyond what we can comprehend in these times. But it is up to us humans to stand firm on our morals and weigh the implications of what science and technology can bring or do for us.
Just recently, while I was watching BBC News, a clip on embryo hybrid was shown. The hybrid process involves emptying an animal egg and filling it with human cells. The resulting embryo is allowed to develop for 14 days — during which time scientists harvest the stem cells — before being destroyed. Scientists hope working with those stem cells will lead to treatments for serious conditions like motor neuron disease, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer’s, and they say using hybrids overcomes the shortage of human embryos. (More from CNN News International.)
That research and procedure for harvesting stem cells (that is, embryonic stem cells, that can be grown and transformed into specialized cells with characteristics consistent with cells of various tissues such as muscles or nerves through cell culture and are used as cures for debilitating disorders) was passed into law in the British Parliament early this week.
Cross-mixing species between humans and animals is man’s most outrageous act (to equal that of the Holocaust) and the Brits turned it into law. Opponents of the research / new law who have lobbied less fervently, methinks, have to develop other ways to counter that new law.
I significantly oppose the human-animal embryo hybrid. But will British Prime Minister Gordon Brown really use it on his child, who was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis or was he in it for the 15 seconds needed to push him for the elections? It’s a lost cause, the hybrid, therefore, he lost it with the voting Brits.
*The title is an allusion to the book by Dr. Arturo B. Rotor.
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“No man is an island . . . any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved with mankind.” – John Donne, 1572 – 1631
Two viciously powerful disasters hit Asia this May. Myanmar (Burma)(May 02), which centered at the southern coast of Yangon (Rangoon)Sichuan province of China. In both disasters, official reports account soaring numbers of people found dead or missing. Victims of Nargis did not receive the immediate aid aimed by the United Nations and other surrounding countries as the junta-led government prevents aids from coming in, leaving the Burmese bereft of any help from the outside world. (Best viewed using internet explorer, here’s a panorama of the bustling city of Yangon.)
Recently, though, some aid has reached Myanmar’s shores after some harrowing negotiations by the United Nations and Singapore; Great Britain is also doing efforts on addressing the problem of sending help efficiently to Myanmar. But the junta refuses to “allow foreign aid workers,” which “have left most of the delta’s survivors living in miserable conditions without food or clean water. The government’s
efforts have been criticized as woefully slow.”
Meanwhile, another storm heads towards the area hit by the cyclone. Foreign aid workers are getting more worried that help would not reach the victims on time as the storm will worsen what is already in a state of utter ‘confusion’ despite government negotiations.
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China, on the other hand, was hit twice by deadly tremors ranging from a magnitude 6 to 7.9 almost on the same spot at varying depths of 10 and 19 km in a span of 15 minutes (see report from US Geological Survey). (On the same USGS report, scrolling down, the Guam area also experienced intense
tremors last May 09.)
As in Myanmar, most of the victims in China are children, who were in school attending classes when the school building and other structures around it collapsed. But unlike, Myanmar, the Chinese government’s response was efficient despite inaccessibility to the quake-hit province of Sichuan. And help from within overflows; the Chinese are back on their feet a day after the quake.
We just cannot dismiss the fact that disasters of this magnitude could reach home. Somehow, it already did. Just yesterday (May 14), Luzon was hit by a 5.3 magnitude quake with a depth of 56.2 km. The shake reached 85 km south south-east of Ilagan, 175 km north-east of Cabanatuan, 175 km east of Baguio, and 245 km north-east of Manila. In the news on television last night, some concerned citizens are already in panic mode. And since no one can yet predict where the next disaster will hit nor can anyone stop it from taking place, the best we can do is be ready. Panic is never an option.
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Disaster preparedness is of topmost concern during these times. The basics are: always make sure that your cell phones are fully charged, there is enough food stored in the cupboards, first-aid kits are also set, transistor radios are operational, and flash lights are equipped with good batteries. A quick pack-and-go routine for disaster is also a great help; it is important to identify which things to pack and where to get them during a disaster. Know where to go (a safe route, a safe place) when disaster hits.
To send help to victims in Myanmar, here are some organizations to consider: (1) Unicef; (2) FoundationBurma; (3) OneWorld.
Oh, yes, pray.
As I stepped out of the house yesterday afternoon to send my daughter to summer class, I was so shocked to find a long stretch of pink line on my way. Around Quezon City, I haven’t seen much pink around. Oh, yeah, there are those monstrous overpasses in the Cubao-EDSA area. That pink only the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) loves and paints around town ― starting off with Marikina City when then MMDA chairperson Bayani Fernando was still the town’s CEO. At the helm of MMDA now for some time and with quite a few months left before he relinquishes it to a new one, he has painted some sidewalks with that same pink that is starting to become an eyesore already rather than pretty.
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I just don’t know how much police power the agency can exercise for seemingly it can just violate beautiful architectural façades. And for what? Traffic discipline? Instilling traffic discipline in the
metropolis, where traffic is truly something you have to consider in your business plans or any plans these days, is a far-fetched issue for a government agency to smear anything on anybody’s frontage. Someone’s property rights (or even intellectual property rights) were violated when frontages can just be used for government graffiti.
MMDA should make better plans than this. Not everyone likes overpasses coated in pink or pink road fences to keep public utility vehicles in their lanes; but that was made possible because they were done on the streets ― government property. The yellow lanes are enough; if traffic is still a headache, ticket the violators, give the bus companies or jeepney organizations some ultimatum so they can place their erring drivers under disciplinary action. Discipline on the streets does not start with pink painted everywhere; it starts with the person by proper instruction. For all we know, this country can be so literally pink but road discipline will not have been achieved.
Traffic laws are enough to keep private, public utility drivers, and transport operators in check. What of the color-coding scheme? The implementation of such laws is oftentimes duplicated around the metro that violators feel so lost re-claiming their licenses or processing their tickets; why on earth does MMDA have to paint off the streets and into one’s property?
This ‘pink revolution’ ― if that is what is called by its planners and its executor ― is not pretty. That act is scary. It is a precedent to what else MMDA can do.
Was it sheer desperation? Deep depression? What drove him to commit a political suicide? And with it he will take the country with him? However valid his demands are (and we all know they are!), democracy cannot just be thrown to the wall and be left there for dead, hanging, just to be replaced by a junta.
He could’ve waited for the right moment; but not now. If only he waited, his rebel nature tamed, and his case(s) solved, he may even seek for higher office. The people would readily give it to him.
The ‘eleven million’ mandate does not make him a superman who can just go above the law and break it when he was supposed to uphold it.
He has lost it. Everything.
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Googled finds on Trillanes:
Ten minutes after session adjourned tonight (Tuesday, 13 Nov 2007), the south-wing of the Batasang Pambansa was rocked by an explosion which, according to the initial investigation by the Philippine National Police, came from a parked motorcycle, just outside its south-wing entrance. But by a report from the driver of Rep. Wahab Akbar, the explosion came from the lobby of the south-wing. (See photos below.)
Three members of Congress, namely, Rep. Wahab Akbar (Basilan), Rep. Pryde Henry Teves (Negros Oriental) and Rep. Luz Ilagan (Partylist-Gabriela) and eleven
others, mostly staff members of congressmen were reportedly injured and rushed to the Gen. Malvar Hospital, New Era Hospital, and the Far Eastern University (FEU) Hospital. Marcial Talbo, driver of Rep. Luz Ilagan died on the spot in the car.
It is now 11:00 pm and members of Congress, their staff and employees of the House of Representatives are still in the building. No marching orders are yet declared for them to leave.
Speaker Jose de Venecia, who has just left for home minutes before the explosion, rushed back to the Batasang Pambansa.
“This is a deliberate act of terror by a terrorist, an insurgent, an anarchist or an extremist who wants to destabilize the government.” De Venecia further strongly condemns the bombing as a dastardly criminal act. He continues, “this [incident] will not scare us from doing our job and as soon as the building is cleared of other bombs and plastic charges we will be back in session tomorrow.”
PNP Chief Avelino Razon has been tasked by PGMA to personally supervise and determine the cause of the explosion, and submit periodic reports.
Rep. Ilagan, who has sustained shrapnel wounds on her leg and her back, is now out of danger. She was later transferred to the St. Luke’s Hospital.
Meanwhile, Rep. Teves was moved from New Era Hospital to the St Luke’s Hospital. Reports said, Teves has sustained multiple fractures and third-degree burn on his face. Brought about by the explosion, Teves’ eardrums were shattered. One of his staff members, Maan Abustanilo, later died while she was being moved to St Luke’s.
Rep. Akbar, likewise, has expired earlier after sustaining fatal wounds. He was earlier transferred from the Fairview General Hospital to the Far Eastern University Hospital, also in Fairview. His remains will be air-lifted to Basilan tomorrow to be buried within 24 hours. Congress’ 14th session is Akbar’s first term in the House of Representative.
Red alert is declared over the metropolis. The entire security details in the House of Representatives will be replaced immediately said DILG Chief Ricardo Puno.
Here are some photos from the scene of the blast, all grabbed from ANC27:
Tomorrow is the scheduled continuation for the hearing on the impeachment proceedings in Congress against President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.
Just some weeks ago, the Glorietta 2 Mall in the heart of the Makati Business District and until now no official reports on the cause of the explosion, nor the motive behind the explosion are yet given out by the authorities.
These are the facts as they unfolded tonight. The public is advised to stay calm and pray for our leaders that they be given wisdom to lead this country forward.
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Reference:
Congress Committee Meetings sked from the website of the House of Representatives.
My daughter and her classmates/friends planned to go today to Trinoma ― the newly-opened mall in Metro Manila built by the Ayala group along Epifanio de los Santos Avenue and just beside Henry Sy’s SM North mall ― as their final get-together activity before the semester ends. As usual, I would stand as her chaperone and I was instructed last night that we will leave by the time she arrived today, that’s 12:30 pm. She found me sleeping so I got up, the driver arrived, we had lunch and in a few moments, the lady I had an appointment with came and eventually left after some talks.
After lunch, as we were not really in a hurry, we turned to the computer to compare our scores in a game site on the internet. I turned on the TV and scanned the channels for something worth watching while passing time.
What followed next planted us in front of the television screen.
Glorietta 2 from the outside
Glorietta 2 from the inside
Victims, rescuers and medical personnel. Casualty report as of 6pm.
Glorietta 2 from the top. Bottom, photo of AyalaLand Corp. spokesperson Alfie Reyes in an interview
3 bishops join calls for PGMA’s resignation
Sen. Trillanes blames the government.
The facts, so far gathered are:
― Two blasts were heard from Glorietta 2 at 1:30 pm today.
― From the PNP: the blast was not caused by an LPG (liquefied petroleum gas) explosion but by a type of explosive(s), the specifics of which will be disclosed as soon as all the evidences are in.
― The bombing took place in Glorietta 2, the heart of the Commercial Business District.
― 8 persons were confirmed dead as a result of the blast.
― About 93 persons were injured and the number is still rising; about 45 were sent to Makati Med while the others were brought to Ospital ng Makati. There were 2 foreigners and 2 among the injured are in critical condition.
― AyalaLand authorities stated they will take charge of all the medical requirements of all the injured.
― The extent of the
damage caused by the explosion is massive.
― There had been no security breach in the mall’s security operations according to mall authorities.
― Metro Manila is
declared under Red Alert by the PNP for the next 24 hours.
― 2 days ago an
attempted bombing in Tacurong City, south of the Philippines, was foiled by
police authorities but no warnings were sent out to other parts of the county as to other possible bombing attempts within the week or the month.
― 2000 police personnel will be deployed in Metro Manila starting today for tighter security in the metropolis.
― Terrorism, sabotage, or a call for presidential emergency powers? The investigations will reveal the answers. If anyone still believes these investigations.
― Not one of the victims gave any official statements to police authorities yet.
― No one claims responsibility for the bombing just as yet.
― Sen. Trillanes blames the government for the blast.
― Three bishops seek PGMA’s resignation.
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HIGHEST PRIORITY: Put off plans of going to the malls.
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All images were grabbed from:
1) GMA 7 Flash Report
2) TV Patrol World
3) ANC
Remember that wholesome game show Family Feud that started in the 80’s? It gave researched statistics its real and practical application on prime time television. Family Feud demonstrated actual statistical results on the score board and the contestants, two feuding families eye-ing the prize for the night, were tasked to rank or name the most popular responses to a survey-type question posted by 100 people or respondents. Its original host, the late Richard Dawson, (some scenes 1, 2; I love his era of Family Feud!) would always hit it with the final word, “our survey said . . .” then the drum rolls, and then the streak of losers and winners from both sides of the television screen.
Aside from the polls that usually come by during election season — when newspapers scoop each other on results produced by various survey outfits about which party or candidate is most likely or not to make it to the victory ball — surveys do not usually touch our lives in a profound manner.
When news early this year erupted and tagged this country as one among the most corrupt nations in the world, those who had the means to air their reactions over tri-media dared to negate the entire survey results on the bases of the procedures (handling and interpretation of statistical data, methods, etc.) used in the conduct of the surveys by Transparency International (TI), the global corruption barometer.
Its spiel: IT SHOWS HOW CORRUPT YOUR COUNTRY IS.
In the 2006 TI survey, in a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is the most perceived corrupt, out of 180 nations surveyed, we garnered 2.5, in rank 121 with Benin, Gambia, Guyana, Honduras, Nepal, Russia, Rwanda and Swaziland. And of course, the confidence range of prospective foreign investors revolved around that figure, 2.3 to 2.8, where 10 is the most favored nation to do business with by international investors. That survey emitted sparks, mostly from the business sector as it was the first segment that could have been perceived hit hardest by the result. Well, some government agencies also took on a defensive stance, but briefly.
The 2007 TI survey result is even worse. Out of the same 180 nations in the survey, we now rank 131, with the same 2.5 corruption perception index and the same confidence range as before.
Same figures, different rank, what does this mean? Some nations, either below or above us in rank in 2006, were able to further cut on their perceived corrupt practices that, as they were pushed up and ranked above us, we were pushed down? Or is it that the general perception of the foreigners surveyed were becoming a bit favorable towards some countries in question? Either way, something happened. Something changed.
And of course, the respondents are foreigners who already have invested in the country or were yet contemplating to do business here when the survey was conducted.
Those above figures show how depressing a perception the world has on us.
Have you heard the news lately? Are our individual selves a microcosm of what our nation is as perceived by others? Go figure.
References:
(a) Photo and text on photo: Transparency International
(b) YouTube contributors for the two scenes from “Family Feud” with Richard Dawson.
The recent State-of-the-Nation Address (SONA) by Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (23 July 2007) not only typified a leader who has lost allies in key government positions but also a government with nowhere to go despite claims on revenue improvement.
The massive resignation then led by former Budget Secretary Dinky Soliman, which started an exodus of good performers in government, heard and unheard of, has wrought a big blow in what used to be a solid and firm grip on leadership. With remnant cabinet men and friends, she was sorely losing ground. And then the recent elections had freed most of her known allies from her clutches, and their lost to opposition groups finalized her fate. Now assuming a lame duck stance, and with three more years left in office, she warns everyone: make no mistake. I will not stand idly by when anyone gets in the way of the national interest and tries to block the national vision.
What does she mean? With all her cards down, it could be anyone’s guess. We can merely interpret; but it would be an advantage to know what she still has up her sleeves.
Oh, but haven’t you noticed, the state of nation is right in front of us; one does not need to look beyond his fence to see how dire the situation is. If you’d go a little farther, you’d be surprised that a lot of areas in the countryside have yet no power supply, no basic infrastructure for marketing products, and much more, no irrigation to grow and sustain indigenous production. No economic activity.
It is assured in Section 1 of ARTICLE XII (National Economy and Patrimony) of the Philippine Constitution that the goals of the national economy are a more equitable distribution of opportunities, income, and wealth; a sustained increase in the amount of goods and services produced by the nation for the benefit of the people; and an expanding productivity as the key to raising the quality of life for all, especially the underprivileged. (Read more.)
For our countryside people to bring in cash to countryside households they seek employment in urban centers; but employment is too elusive in the cities. And so they go abroad thereby draining the countryside of what’s left of the skills and know-how it could have utilized for its progress. Worse, they run to the mountains. That configuration goes on. And, mind you, each stated scenario has already spawned quite a number of problems, such as, the rise of the urban poor, unemployment, over-population in urban centers, crime, all forms of abuse, insurgency and many others — all offshoots of lack of countryside development. Er, where do countryside development funds (CDF a.k.a. “pork barrels”) go?
The business groups should also aim their wish lists on countryside development as national competitiveness can only be achieved if the countryside is in the big picture.
If and when anyone gets in the way of national interest . . . National interest is already compromised because countryside development is set aside. There is not much definition and projection on what can be done on the countryside, therefore progress remains ambiguous, or none at all. No talking heads, no plans. Nothing.
So who’s getting in the way of national interest and what national vision? National hallucination!
In all areas where technology is applied, communication has the most benefit. Look around and you’ll see. The fanciest designs with the coolest features are those gadgets that either send messages across (on TV sets, lappies, ipods, etc) to us or those we use to send our messages across to others. That would be the ubiquitous cell phone and, well, all the others, too.
To say that humans cannot live without communicating with another human being is an understatement. That is the very reason languages were invented! That humans cannot live without a gadget or two strapped somewhere in his backpack nowadays so his message can be sent across to someone and vice versa is obviously already a means to get on with one’s daily survival or ritual.
And we know that communication is not always the interactive type as there are other forms when one merely listens, digests, and processes everything heard, like songs, music, a preaching, listening to the news over the radio. Or when one merely looks on, as on a billboard ad or simply reading a magazine, a book, or a newspaper. Almost everything communicates.
The recent local elections had been a bombardment of messages coming from a vast number of candidates and through many means. Seemingly, face-to-face communication today is a tedious task when distances and even absences can be covered by merely clicking ‘SEND’ on any gadget.
The greatest advertising guy, Leo Burnett, said: Visual eloquence, was far more persuasive, more poignant, than labored narratives, verbose logic or empty promises. Visuals appeal to the “basic emotions and primitive instincts” of consumers.
Er, do screensavers communicate, too?
In journalism, a photograph tells the story better.
The arts gets in this picture, likewise. To a poet, a blank page communicates. To a painter, an empty canvas. To a sculptor, either a big chunk of stone or yet a slab of leftover log. How then does technology get into this scene? Interestingly, technology has crept in rather progressively.
A year ago, at the Laforet Museum in Tokyo (a friend emailed me this), something new was born. Really can’t say if it’s in the art scene or in the pop music scene, but it merges both disciplines. Called 77 Million Paintings, the museum’s walls were lined with a hundred or so flat screens. Slowly dissolving to another painting, 77 million in all, the collection is complemented with soft music that is so unique for this artistic anthology. If you don’t hear the audio, try it in YouTube. The Epson company in Japan provided the monitors used on the museum’s walls.
Brian Eno, the guy behind this new movement, calls it “an experience with light”. That instead of gazing on a blank wall, a screen on the wall with his 77 million paintings will do the magic. Truly amazing. Seventy-seven million communication points, with no duplications, there you have it. Every change on the screen is a journey to a different piece or a different scene with all the subliminals you can muster. Get immersed!
From what I have seen and heard, experienced, as you may say, the stained glass effects communicate on the religious plane. I don’t know how what you saw and what you heard meant.
Eno sells his awesome 77 million feat in limited edition DVD form. ‘Limited’ only means it won’t reach our shores, so we can only experience a number of what’s in the collection from what we had already seen and heard. He just had this collection exhibited a second time at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco this 29 June to 1 July with Obscura Digital providing the video canvases on the wall.
“Technology allows us to stitch together images, words, songs and footage like so much modified DNA. At first, sampling was radical and controversial. But these days, artists can download unprecedented volumes of source materials, from anywhere in the world, or any time in history. Technology is in the hands of the people, creating a DIY explosion and more thought-provoking combinations of symbols, texts, pictures, traditions — you name it — than ever before”. Well said; these words are etched on the museum’s interface. See the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts yourself.
Creating new means of communicating a message, with all the technology available, apparently becomes so simple. You just need to really have the heart for it. Yeah, and the market for it, too, if you plan to make bucks.
And back to that question: do screensavers communicate, too? Some screensavers tell stories. Have you seen American Greetings? They so do, even wallpapers! And pictures, remember? Why don’t you make them communicate for you?
She came home last night, around past midnight. She was drunk and ashamed of it, trying to hide the sorrows from her face. Her eyes gave them away, though. They were sullen and in deep pain. She managed to smile and asked if she could stay the night. I knew her from way back, in the same dire situation she is in now.
So nothing has changed in seven years. Her dread became deeper after three more kids. She instantly made me her friend seven years ago when she ran to me for advice on how to handle a jobless, mama’s-boy husband who was into drugs. It was not an unusual issue I hear from some acquaintances who are in the same rut.
The only advice I could give was to either take her husband to a rehab or report him to the authorities. Problems like that are rooted somewhere beyond the relationship and, unless there would be some professional intervention, all efforts aimed at keeping the marriage and the family together would be wasted. She thought the advice was too radical and although she did not voice out her dissension, I knew then that she considered the pros and cons of trying either of the only available options.
“What will the neighbors say when they heard that he’s in rehab?” Her words. Don’t mind the neighbors, it is not their family at stake here but yours, I told her. She heeded the advice only two and a half years ago when even she was using the drugs her husband shared. In short, the needed intervention came, a bit late but it was better than no intervention at all. They are both clean now. Seemingly.
The husband was able to find his first real job as a seaman on an international cruiser. They finally moved out of the house of her husband’s parents. They started living on their own, a small growing family in a rented apartment just beside the house they just left. For two years, the husband sent his earnings to his mother. His mother gave what she thought was enough for her son’s wife and her four kids.
She did not question the arrangement to avoid any more complications with her mother-in-law. And all decisions are finalized between the husband and his mother while his wife is merely told of what was already decided upon. Thirteen years of marriage and that’s how it functions.
The kids, the eldest is twelve and the youngest is about three, rely more on their grandmother than their mother. They treat her like someone who must deliver what they want, pronto. It’s not that the kids hate her but they can easily cross that divide, don’t you think?
So what brought her here last night?
Her husband’s back from his shipping spree (as I call it, as he’s just so free to do whatever he can, besides his job, when he’s away for months) about a week ago. He meets up with shipmates every so often for some drinking spree wherever and whenever they desire, leaving their wives behind. My friend, keen at finding some special moments she can spend with her long-missed husband, waited for her husband’s realization of that need. There was none.
Fed up, pissed off and feeling unwanted, she decided that she’d have to go out with her friend the next day, just for a break. She told her husband about it one night before going to bed when her husband arrived from some rounds of drinks with his buddies.
She didn’t know what came over him. He suddenly told him to take off everything she had on her: watch, earrings, necklace, and rings. The next morning, even before she could dress up to go with her friend, her husband told her to leave her cellphone as it was he who provided that, too; he even checked if there were other items in her pajama pockets that he would identify as one of his provisions. Then she was told that if she’d leave, she had to leave taking nothing.
And she did. In pajamas and slippers she ran away and went to a friend nearby.
I asked what her plans are now after hearing what her husband said and after being stripped of all the rest. That if she has to go back home to her family, she has to talk to all concerned as to what must be done — a makeover of thirteen years of disarray. If she can’t get that, do you think there will still be enough justification for going back?
What about her kids? Well, her mother-in-law made it clear to her that the kids will be well taken care of without her.
YOU TELL ME